3 Green Fish

A good friend of mine has been raving about Numb3rs for a while now. After some cajoling, I finally allowed myself to be convinced to watch an episode of the show. My review here is based solely upon one episode (although that episode was handpicked by my friend), so you should be aware that I experienced only a small slice of the pi.

Yeah, that was a math joke. Numb3rs is, more or less, “CSI with Math.” The show revolves around two brothers, Don Eppes, who works for the FBI, and his younger brother Charlie, who teaches math at a university and is a certified mathematical genius. The premise of the show seems to be that Charlie helps Don solve crimes by using mathematics — in the case of the episode I watched, “Sabotage,” a criminal mastermind engineers a series of train wrecks and leaves behind a cryptic message in the form of a sheet of paper covered in numbers. Charlie is brought in to help decode the note and stop the saboteur.

The actors all play their parts well, and the episode I watched had an amusing subplot that was good for a short diversion. But, at the same time, the show was never really able to escape the fictional crime motif that it seemed to be based around. Real criminals aren’t brilliant geniuses, unlike what movies and TV would like us to think. I had a hard time suspending disbelief when it came to the antagonist. It’s something that you could get away with in a movie, but a whole TV series? I’m not so sure.

(WARNING: This review contains mild, very general SPOILERS. You probably guessed them all already, but if you don’t want to hear a shred of information about the book before you read it, stop now.)

The last of the Harry Potter books, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, was released yesterday. You probably already have your copy. I was lucky to have a certain family member who ordered the book from Amazon to have it delivered on the 21st, and then decided to go on a backpacking trip over the weekend. I spent pretty much all day yesterday reading the book, which should tell you two things: first, it’s another brick of a novel, clocking in at 759 pages, at second, it’s quite engaging.

I’ll say this about J.K. Rowling: she knows how to create a vivid world and characters that seem real enough to make us readers care about them. She’s spent a long time crafting Harry’s world and its inhabitants, and it shows. I couldn’t help but a feel a little like this was a typical “highlights reel” sort of ending to the series, as many locations and characters from the previous novels pop up throughout the book. I’m not as rabid of a Harry Potter fan as many, so there were quite a number who I couldn’t recall just who they were. Still, all in all, there never seemed to be anything that was revisited just for the sake of it, and it all worked out well on the whole.

It’s definitely a dark story. Lots of people die, or come very very close to dying. This shouldn’t really come as a big shock to anyone — with Voldemort back, the kid gloves are off. Rowling is adept at keeping her plot moving, and while there were some stutters in pacing, for the most part it does an excellent job of keeping your eyes glued to the page. The actual prose is fairly simple, in keeping with the previous books and the fact that the series is written for children. Still, a little more depth to the narrative language would be nice. There were times when I felt like I really didn’t need to be paying too much attention to the text on the page.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by J.K. Rowling. Scholastic. 2007. $34.99. Amazon link.

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Imagine, for a moment, that you find the policies and principles of the World Trade Organization to be unjust, unfair, and downright wrong, so you create a website that looks vaguely like their own website, but is a satire on the WTO itself. Now, imagine that you get contacted by people who want the WTO’s presence at a conference. They don’t know your website is fake. They think you are the WTO. What do you do?

If you’re Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno, the answer is simple: you show up and deliver a presentation, just as if you were the WTO. You present the WTO’s policies as accurately as you can, warts and all, with a straight face. Your blistering satire will show that audience just how warped the World Trade Organization really is… right?

There are two things that amazed me in this documentary, the first being the lengths that the Yes Men went to in order to perpetrate their ruse, and the second being just how far they had to go to elicit a reaction from anyone. It’s scary just how much they can get away with. It’s also scary how much their audiences were willing to accept everything that “the WTO” was saying. It’s a searing indictment of economic globalization and the apathy of 1st-world citizens towards the plight of workers in poor countries around the globe.

The Yes Men, starring Mike Bonanno and Andy Bichlbaum. 2003. Available on DVD. Amazon link.

Of all the Harry Potter books, the Order of the Phoenix was the most bloated, clocking in at 870 pages in the hardback edition, large enough to be used as bricks if you were to want to build a wall out of books. That’s not to say that the book was by any means bad . . . but it did leave me wondering just how anyone would manage to distill it down into the typical length of a feature film.

According to my calculations, if the film were going to include everything in the book, it would need to cover 6.3 pages every minute — and given that some pages are far more important than others, it was pretty inevitable that lots of stuff would be left out or truncated. Some of this was scarcely noticeable, some of it was surely not noticeable to anyone but diehard fans and those who have just read the book, but other plot lines suffered from the lack of attention. Harry studying Occlumency, for instance, is reduced to two quick scenes, and the romantic subplot between Harry and Cho Chang is barely there. We only see Hagrid once, and Snape, while more present than Hagrid, is pretty rare himself, getting only a few scenes. Many of the other familiar faces are reduced to cameos.

The areas where the film focuses its attention are reasonably fleshed out, however. Much of the film revolves around Dolores Umbridge and her crusade to take over Hogwarts in the name of the Ministry of Magic. Imelda Staunton does a wonderful job portraying Umbridge, simultaneously a perfectly proper lady and something truly horrible. Voldemort’s plans are also featured prominently. The trio of Harry, Hermione, and Ron get lots of screentime, which is clearly a good thing — this being their fifth movie together, the actors have a strong rapport and are more than capable of helping to hold the movie together.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, starring Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson. Directed by David Yates. In theaters as of July 11th, 2007.

I’ll admit right here and now that I am not a legionnaire in the army of Transformers fans. I never saw the cartoon, or even the animated movie from 1986. I may have read one of the comic books once; or I might have just noticed it on the shelf and before passing it by, I really can’t recall. What I did have as a kid was a collection of Transformers toys, admittedly a haphazard selection, all of which were hand-me-downs, and I had a great time with them. So, when going to see the live-action Transformers film, I really had no expectations other than that there would be giant transforming robots.

And giant transforming robots there were. In great quantity, with quite impressive animations. The special effects in this movie are quite good, probably the best I’ve seen in any movie to date. There are times when I wished the camera or the transformations would slow down, as the speed at which things were happening tended to obfuscate the details at times. The one transformation that is slowed down is Optimus Prime’s unveiling, and that seems to take an excessive amount of time by contrast. Still, the graphics people did a very nice job here.

Honestly, what made this movie actually good was not the effects, although those helped. My favorite parts were actually the interactions between the human characters, and between them and the Autobots. There are some great scenes early on as Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) deals with the fact that his first car is actually a transforming alien robot. There are lots of humorous moments that result from the interactions between Sam and his car, or the Autobots trying to keep a low profile. These sort of things were done well, and kept my interest more than the gigantic battle scenes that round off the movie — in fact, I’d say the last quarter of the movie, while flashy and impressive in terms of action, wasn’t nearly as strong as the build-up to it.

Transformers (2007), starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, and Josh Duhamel, and the voices of Peter Cullen and Hugo Weaving. Directed by Michael Bay. In theaters now (July 2007).

As far as books go, The Venetian’s Wife: A Strangely Sensual Tale of a Renaissance Explorer, a Computer, and a Metamorphosis is like a teenager in the family of literature: it’s not quite a kid’s picture book, but it also isn’t quite a full-grown adult text. Indeed, much of the charm of The Venetian’s Wife comes from the artistic collages, drawings, and photos that surround the text of the story itself.

Said story revolves around a search for a collection of Indian sculptures. Sara Wolfe is drawn into this quest by a mysterious N. Conti, who communicates only by email and seems to have an agenda that isn’t quite what he says it is. The story progresses through their emails back and forth, entries in Sara’s journal, and the occasional comment by Mr. Conti, with the art providing a backdrop and occasional important point.

Unfortunately, there is much in the story that is predictable, for example, the falling-out between Sara and Conti can be seen a mile away, and patching up that rift is almost a non-issue. The ending is also rather unimpressive — it leaves the story floundering and doesn’t wrap up or explain much. I get a sense that there should be some kind of epiphany at the end, either for the reader or for the characters, but that just isn’t evident in the text. I want more closure. In the last quarter or so of the book, Bantock stretches the limits of the journal format well past its breaking point and turns it into full-on narrative and dialogue.

The Venetian’s Wife: A Strangely Sensual Tale of a Renaissance Explorer, a Computer, and a Metamorphosis, by Nick Bantock. San Francisco: Chronicle Books, 1996. $23. Amazon link.

The Roomba. Toyota’s Prius. The Nintendo Wii. Apple’s iPhone or iPod. Each of these products is innovative in its own way, and each has its proponents who would no doubt gush over it. Imagine a review one such fan might write, and you just might think of a certain phrase: “it’s the best thing since sliced bread” (or, if you prefer your praise wordier, “the greatest invention since sliced bread”). Would it surprise you to read that? I didn’t think so. However, what most people don’t seem to realize is that sliced bread isn’t all that great. There, I said it. I’m going to go against the grain and argue that sliced bread isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, maybe you grew up on Oroweat or Wonderbread, and sliced pre-packaged bread is all you’ve ever known. If that’s the case, I encourage you to look beyond the plastic bag and buy something fresh.

I’ve eaten a lot of bread in my time. Fresh homemade bread is the king of them all, but you can find good bread at a bakery or even in the grocery store. But here’s the thing about sliced bread: it dries out quickly. If it’s been sitting on the shelf for a day or two, by the time you get it home it won’t have that moist inside that is honestly the best part of good bread. Trader Joe’s used to stock a “hearty peasant bread,” meant to be heated in the oven for ten minutes or so. You’d end up with a round loaf of bread with a crunchy crust and a moist, chewy, bready inside, perfect for snacking. Now they only sell it sliced, and it just doesn’t come out of the oven with the same features.

Do you like toast? Do you love toast? Because that’s really the only reason to buy pre-sliced bread (pre-sliced bread being what we’re talking about here). It’s hard to cut bread to fit in a toaster. But don’t go telling me that you can’t get out a knife to cut a slice of bread for your sandwich, or for a little snack in the afternoon. Besides, pre-sliced bread is often too thin to be useful for anything but toast.

Yeah, 3 Green Fish is back. I’m starting to recover from finals, so I can finally start doing things like writing and thinking without my brains dribbling out through my nasolacrimal ducts. Thus, there shall be more reviews on 3 Green Fish!

There’ll be a slightly new format. Most of my reviews will be three paragraphs long, plus the usual score and summary. There will be at least one review a week, though I’m going to shoot for three, occasionally more when I have some special features. Reviews will be posted weekdays. If I get questions, or comments that need answering, they’ll be answered on the weekend in a mailbag feature.

Since I’m busy, I’m getting a fish to answer questions. When I get a email form up you’ll be able to ask him questions directly. As a coelacanth, he’s been around for millions of years, plenty of time to rack up some experience in the world. I’m sure he’ll give good advice.

Lastly, if I might draw your attention to the sidebar over to the right. Yes, right there. 3 Green Fish is now Certified Brainy!

That’s all for now. Tune in tomorrow to read a review that’s going to be the best thing since … uh, since something really awesome.